Fertiltiy Woes

So some of you may have seen on Facebook or actually talked to me but Kevin and I tried 3 times this past year to get pregnant.  We did 2 round of regular IVF and 1 with a donor egg and still no baby.  It is so expensive and so hard emotionally, physically I can handle.   We have 1 frozen embryo left, from our eggs.  But it would cost another 3000 bucks plus drugs to try it.  Only 50% of embryos survive thawing and you don't know that until day of the transfer and then it is only MAYBE 20% chance of getting pregnant if it survives the thaw, if it is as high as 20%, PROBABLY LOWER.  I may have to face the fact that it is just not meant to be.  I don't want to, I want another child so badly.  I know so many people who are way too young, or don't have the money to take care of a child who have them.  People who have beautiful babies they ignore.  It all makes me so angry!!  I am trying hard not to be a downer, why can't I have one, why does she have a baby, those things go through my mind daily.  I am trying to not feel that way but I do!  Believe me I know how blessed I am to have Ryan, he was a 1 in a million chance, an actual miracle and I could not love him more.  But that is part of the problem, he loves younger kids so much and is so good with them.  He would be an awesome big brother and he really wants to be.  I hate disappointing him.

The big kicker is we had to go through all this stuff because of Kevin's chemo.  He had a sperm count of 6 when we had Ryan.  They used an experimental process to give us my precious baby.  Well we tried again when Ryan was 3, no go.  A few years later I was having crazy periods and went on birth control to control it.  WELL...this time we decide to try again before I turn 40, we start with all the tests again just to see where we are, well Kevin had a normal sperm count.  we were STUNNED!  We thought finally, we can do this an easier way and much less expensive, we thought we were looking at artificial insemination.  Well nothing is easy for us.  I now have block tubes.  What are the chances??  Maybe is I hadn't been on the pill we would have had another baby.  The what ifs go on forever!  But it is what it is!

Wow is this a TMI post.  But I wanted to let you know ladies know what was going on.  I have asked for prayers but now I don't even know what to ask for.  Luck in trying again?  Money to even give it a try?  Peace to accept that it just isn't going to happen??  I don't know? 

I am very fortunate to have the wonderful family and happy life that I do.  I know this and most days it is enough.  I just needed to vent!

GOOD NEWS!!!

Actually that title should be AWESOME news.  My friend Sherry is healthy!  Her MRI was normal today!!  What a wonderful answered prayer.  This girl has been through so much and is still so positive and happy!  She is one of the best friends I have ever had and we have only known each other for about 2 years, we have been friends for even less.  Sherry, Sarah and I have become instant best friends!  We call ourselves the TRIO...lol. 

I hope everyone has had a great new year so far.  Ours has been nice.  We have made our plans for our next Disney trip in June, I can't wait to see the new fantasyland.  Nothing much else going on.  Ryan is doing well in school although he is getting a B on his report card.  Kev has been working.  I have been at school a lot, working on the yearbook and helping with math classes.  I start work on February 4th.  I only work a few months a year for my uncle Len who has an accounting business and needs help during tax time.  

That is it for now ladies!!  

 

We are back people.  I think it will be good for all of us to start blogging again.  Facebook is great for everyday little things, games and pics but I miss our blogs!!  Really telling each other things, keeping up on each other's lives.

I have made a couple of really great friends since we last blogged.  The picture above is my friends Sarah, she is awesome.  Our other friend Sherry could really use some prayers right now, so if any of you have a minute say a little prayer for Sherry.  She is a breast cancer survivor and has to have an MRI tomorrow for some problems she is having.  Please pray it is nothing serious and the cancer has not returned.  She is an amazing person, a great mother and wonderful christian woman.  I truly love her and pray this is nothing serious!!

How are things going with all of you ladies??  I hope I can find your blogs!  Until next time, love you my friends!

Warming up with Bubby after playing in the snow!

More Bailey Pics

Why chew on the toys in the basket when you can just eat the basket!


This rotten puppy is too cute and I can't stop taking pictures of her. you guys are going to get sick of seeing her. I am about to put more on facebook too. She gets to see her real sister on Tuesday for a vet appointment, meanwhile she is making good use of her new sisters! She can actually wear out Violet!

Bailey

Bailey is the one in his arms


SO if you have been on facebook you probably know we got a new puppy. Her name is Bailey. We got her because Rita (Kevin's Mom) wanted to get his dad, a puppy for Christmas. Kev had an American Eskimo growing up, so she wanted to get one like her. Well we couldn't find any in the area, so we had to drive to Tennesse to get her. Ryan's hamster had just died and he got straight A's on his report card so we decided to pick up 2 puppies. They are so precious! They slept through the night the 1st night and have done a good job so far going potty outside. Well Rita couldn't wait until Christmas so we took Fred's puppy to him on Sunday, I think he was pretty happy. They named her Christie for Christmas. Bailey didn't have any separation problems like I excepted, so she is doing very well. She is rotten as sin but adorable. Violet took a few days to get use to her but she and Bailey are play buddies now. Bailey LOVED the snow this morning and was jumping around trying to catch the flakes as they fell. Later she licked it all off the ground.

Busy October

We had a very busy October. We went to the zoo and Coney Island and many other fall themed things. We love them all! Ryan had a Halloween party for 7 of his friends, it turned out really well. They all had fun and got tons of candy! Ryan trick or treated with a group of friends and had a great time also. All in all it was a great month. I am looking forward to the Holiday season. I love shopping, wrapping, giving gifts, eating lots of yummy food and tons of family time!! The next couple months should be great. I hope you all have a great holiday season too!